Having the Courage to Change

The past month unfolded into new commitments, new challenges, and new beginnings. On July 1, I began thanking God daily, or rather nightly, for the things I envisioned for myself around finding a new home. I had gone to the store to pick up some 4×6 index cards and found myself wandering down the stationery aisle. The thank-you cards caught my attention and I purchased a box of sixteen cards that had delightful images that made me think of God. I decided I would write God a thank-you note for my anticipated new home every night for two weeks, or perhaps sixteen days, since that was how many cards were in the pack.

Sitting comfortably, safely in bed, I started my first thank-you note. Tears bubbled to the surface and poured down my cheeks. Tears of fear, tears of releasing fear, and tears of beginning to believe that maybe, just maybe God wants to love me more than I thought possible. I phrased that first thank-you and most of the ones that followed as though what I hoped for had already manifested in my life. As I wrote, I began to dream and, more importantly, to believe those dreams were possible. I began to believe that God loved me and wanted to bless me in this. I also came to understand that my dreams might unfold gradually in my life; incrementally, as I become ready to receive them.

I realized that not seeing all the things I hope for with my first move had nothing to do with whether or not I might realize those dreams in time. They may not be “big” dreams by some standards, but they feel big to me. I’ve spent years in what my sponsor calls “deprivation thinking” and it’s taking practice to break through that low ceiling of what I think I deserve to discover that God did not put that ceiling there – I did.

What a gift it has become to nightly release my fears and trust my dreams to my Higher Power, who loves me and wants me to not just survive, but to thrive in this world.

After a few days, I saw what a gracious and wonderful way this was to end my days. Instead of going to bed accompanied by worries or fear, I was going to bed on a note of gratitude and trust. July 14th came and went, and I haven’t stopped writing those thank-you notes!

On the afternoon of the 15th, less than 24 hours after I had fulfilled my commitment to thank God every night for two weeks, I received a call from a friend. She had a friend who was looking for the right person to rent a room (in what is a very nice neighborhood).

A couple of days later, I found myself sitting outside a coffee shop, talking with a lovely older woman who seemed surprisingly unconcerned with the fact that I had no idea what my income would be in August. We planned a time for me to see her house and the room she had to rent…

Hope…ready to blossom

I would love to hear about your experiences of thanking your Higher Power or finding other ways to open your mind to receive the blessings you know your Higher Power wants for you.