Having the Courage to Change

Why this blog?

On December 4th, 2011, I wrote my first post: Taking the plunge – setting the goal. It went something like this…

Six months ago, I moved into an apartment with a friend, eagerly anticipating a new chapter in my life. I had spent the previous six years in seminary, completing first an MDiv, then a certificate program. After living on student loans and going alarmingly into debt, I was eager to begin this new phase of my life. My education and training prepared me for many things…except how to do some of the most basic things of life. At the end of November, I moved out of that apartment because I hadn’t been able to make ends meet.

I have discovered that I am woefully inadequate in my education around basic things that (I naively presume most) people seem to do with ease. My 12-Step Al Anon journey has shined a bright (sometimes annoying) light on the nature of this inadequate “education.”

This blog is my way to process my journey as I break through the fears that have held me captive, undermined my best-intended efforts, and generally made life far rougher than it has needed to be. I never realized just how much fear had seeped into the smallest details of my daily living until the months preceding this blog. My search for (adequate) employment has been sporadic and inadequate due to fear. My move out of the apartment was ridiculously difficult, given the amount of stuff I’ve accumulated because I’ve been too afraid or too overwhelmed to let go of many things. I’m facing the challenge of dealing with student loan repayment.  And I realized I hardly knew where to begin to change my life.

Yet change it I will, with God’s help – and maybe yours!

I said something to a friend that we both thought was worth remembering. It went something like, “Wanting to change isn’t going to change anything unless there’s action behind it.” Her observation was that action is a demonstration of my willingness to change. So this blog is my guide to the action I believe will transform me.

So, this is my goal:

Having learned (from experience) that changing patterns of behavior takes time and practice, and inspired by Julie Powell’s example in the movie Julie & Julia, I decided that for the 365 days that began December 4th, I will work on the many areas in which fear has gotten in the way of my doing countless things that would make my life happier and more manageable.

My intention is to daily tackle some task of letting go, clearing out, stepping out or doing any number of other things – big or small – that I have avoided doing or simply not known how to do and to use this site to track or reflect upon my progress. My hope is twofold. One is that you will find me and share with me your own experiences of breaking through fears or tackling the tasks that have been intimidating in your own life, that we might learn together. The other is that by having this blog to be attentive to the actions I’m taking and the progress I’m making, I will have created for myself a support (and self-support) system that will encourage and strengthen me on this journey.

So, here I am and here this is, for better or worse, learning to blog and learning to live fearlessly as I find the courage to change. May you and I both learn to live with trust and joy at the heart of each day!